| creme filling for hollow victories |
[Sep. 25th, 2011|01:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
"The hard times are over"
That's what my fortune cookie read. I suppose I read into these things more than I should. Two days later I find I'm being recruited to write for an HBO original series. Normally I would half ass follow this like the voice over gig, but this time there's actually hollywood producer backing this project. I guess I'm moving up from made for tv movies to actual premium content.
You're probably thinking 'Howard you're not really that funny, keep dreaming asshole your writing will flop before it hits air'. Well some California type seems convinced ultra dry mega awkward self depricating humor is the next to take a spot, and that's pretty much my area of expertise.
Earlier that day I farted on a honduran to amuse myself. I told the series creator this.
Two days earlier I was approached to be the frontman for a major ice cream chain, and seriously considered it.
What is going on? |
|
|
| baptisim of fiber |
[Jun. 9th, 2011|01:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
I'm starting to lose a little bit of a hold on reality.
I can't tell if reality is warping to suit me or if it's just my perception of reality.
For whatever reason my altered understanding seems to be contagious, like things that shouldn't have been reality before are now accepted norms.
I begin to wonder if what I'm dealing with is real or just a projection of my mind.
I work so many hours that it's rediculous, running a small pizza place.
Women seem to come and go in my life, and I have no real explination as to why they're doing either.
Somehow the place I'm running is haunted, and in a very real way... the times I'm 'hearing things' there are other people there hearing them too.
I either really need some rest, or all the spiritual texts I'm reading have more meaning that I give them credit.... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2011|02:32 pm] |
|
That was a dark place. I'm glad I'm done |
|
|
| You wonder if the fate of the world is in your hands |
[Jan. 2nd, 2011|01:40 pm] |
Once I met a prophet in the desert. He told me a lot of things, about what my future held. I called him alternate reality Howard, and he spoke of how I would make it to the top. At first I was surprised, he made predictions that went down to the day. Like "On febuary 15th this will happen." Then it seemed to diverge. He was really confused when I told him this. I had long since forgotten about what he said to me until a recent event matched up. Too well. Then I looked around and realized he was talking about different people.
It's unreal the confidence that you get when you realize that prophecy is firmly backing you.
I cannot fail in my purpose |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2010|09:46 am] |
|
I'm back the fuck on top. |
|
|
| more fun than a barrel of infected biting monkeys |
[Nov. 23rd, 2010|01:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
Whew. Complicated. Like really so. I'm going to sanitize this a little more than usual since some of this has yet to play out.
I think when someone sent me a text tonight asking the status on rockstardom when I answered back 'Well the place is trashed, and someone lost their virginity on my couch this week'
Then she saw the same guy drunkenly kiss the German chick who I succeeded at pawning off on Shayne but still really wants me up to the point of following me in my room, but Shayne (I don't think?) saw her kissing the v thief, because he still seems to be into her, or maybe it was him trying to pawn her off which probably isn't the case, while at the same time she gets in violent altercations with cort who's nailing Miranda queen fag hag of Harrisonburg and Whitney the formerly demon possessed girl who left the state for Massachusetts. Meanwhile Josh is trying to get with Jenny who just broke up with her boyfriend while Shayne is getting laid and apparently knows Allis who plays bass in Destroying the Oppressor, as well as her roommate who has a boyfriend but sortof cheated on him with Cort and seemed interested in more but Allis emoed out because she wants to date this guy named Colby who is pretty boring but also kindof pretty and won't date her and if she gets drunk around me she knows without fail we'll end up having violent sex which makes her feel a little guilty.
Yeah. The sanitized short version
Also it turns out that I'm only a rockstar 364. When it rains it pours.
Looking at a 1975 Laguna. Hope I can get that one together. Woo |
|
|
| pencilnecks on the poop deck |
[Oct. 19th, 2010|11:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
Sometimes I wonder I wonder how people end up so boring when interesting shit is just so common. For whoever isn't in C-ville lately, my favorite gas station is a local BP. This isn't because I think their gas tastes any better or because I like soaking pelicans in oil. It's because they have a midget who works the counter for the graveyard shift. Well that would probably be enough to keep me coming back, but apparently 330 am on a Wednesday is super secret midget meeting time at the gas station. I fucking -knew- they had clandestine midget meetings in the middle of the night, and I finally saw one. Oh and it was great, they all gave me this look like they were thinking 'Big person, you don't belong here' or whatever it is that they were saying in their head in cute little munchkin voices. I on the other hand was thinking 'Gee I want a candy bar' so I just kinda ignored it and quite frankly it's hard to feel threatened by people that kinda waddle when walking and have a hard time standing up when pushed over.
Now I thought this was one of the coolest events I've witnessed personally. Until the weekend
Slosh and I were drinking on the downtown mall and I suggested we hit up a place my brother-in-law suggested I try to work. Which turned out to be a gay bar. But we'd been a good 5 minutes without having a drink in hand so we decided to go ahead and have a drink before we left. And so the lulz commenced.
We walked in and saw 6 slightly overweight middle aged gay men in matching white turtlenecks blue blazers and captains hats grinding on each other to the song 'California Girls' while carrying martinis. In a totally non-ironic way. Unfortunately I couldn't make out more in the way of details because I could barely hold back the laughter while looking at the multicolor strobes going over them but I did notice they all had different levels of beard. I pondered if the level of beard reflected some sort of status level between this group of sailors but I was then distracted by the fact that the old men in corners of the room were basically wringing their hands and staring at us. Not in that friendly gay guy way, more in that scary old man wants to rape you way.
Needless to say this got my confidence from it's usual pretty high to extreme rockstar (nothing like having men stare at you to do such things) and as a result I became a victim of an evil chick move I've only had used on me once before years ago. I had a girl twat block her enemy. So I was talking to a Jade, a pretty girl I remembered having a few interesting conversations with in the past while out and about, and I walk off and go to the bathroom. Another girl walks up to the line and starts telling me a few jokes that are cute and sortof funny. After she's engaged me for a little bit she 'out of the blue' points out Jade and informs me that 'that girl over there' is super bad crazy. After drunkenly explaining the difference between good crazy and bad crazy for about 5 minutes we get through the line and I thank her for the heads up. I stop talking to Jade. Slosh later explains to me that there was no reason whatsoever for this girl to give such a warning unless she sorta likes me or more likely is feeling vindictive toward Jade. I feel stupid but we're long since home so once again I'm thwarted by girls and their drama |
|
|
| dirt carrots for dust bunnies |
[Oct. 4th, 2010|10:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
Let me tell you that when you've decided to jam out to Lady Gaga in your bathrobe while cleaning your kitchen it's pretty hard to say something hardcore to your roommate who came home for lunch early. Yes even if you talk about wiping out Vietnamese villages is it unpossible, tested.
So my efforts to continue making my rent on time I was about to take a job as a butler/manservant. It would have been neat to finally be the young version of the old ass butler that's a war vet and also cooks some amazing fine dining meals for the family I'm in charge of. But instead I ended up getting a job with much more in the way of hours at a Mediterranean restaurant on the corner. This particular gig is very nice because I literally work with and wait on almost exclusively attractive college girls. The money is actually pretty nice (I can start paying back the few debts I have to people) and I can work as many or as few hours as I'd like. I've been doing extremely well there and I get along with everyone I work with. All of the customers are nice, and a lot of them are starting to remember me. I've been kicking ass competitively too, and I recently broke the one day sales record by hitting 1600 dollars in sales (not too exiciting until you realize I was selling 12 dollar kabobs). Josh's only commentary on me making this record was 'well that was quick'. Best of all when I'm walking around it's not uncommon to hear a cute drunk girl yell something like 'woo I love Basil'
My favorite praise of all had to be that one girl got some hello kitty stationary and wrote me a note telling me what a great waiter I was. I kept it.
I have however noticed that there are a couple of negative effects from working this job. Like I'm getting really bad at remembering thin pretty white girls age 18-26. I was waiting on a table of thin pretty white girls age 18-26 and I introduced myself like I always do. One of the girls commented that she knew that, and that I had waited on her a number of times before. I looked at them and realized that I had no memory whatsoever of them. They just hadn't stood out at all. It wasn't even in a 'I'm better than you' sort of respect, I had never dated a girl as pretty as any of them, nor am I likely to in the future. I just had blanked entirely. I have a feeling this is going to lead to more than one awkward conversation in the future making me look like a jerk.
Another negative effect is that I'm having a much harder time interacting with males with girlfriends. I notice to an increasing degree that other males become extremely threatened around me. Even when I'm acting non threatening as hell. I was at a girls birthday party the other night which consisted of a bunch of her female friends, a few boyfriends, Slosh and myself. One of the boyfriends was throwing an after party to the barhopping agenda and tentatively invited everyone. Then he commented to the rockstars present 'hey you can come just don't hit on my girlfriend.' This was weird. We hadn't even talked to her other than to get her name (which I forgot) and this fellow didn't seem quite like he needed to play that sort of game. After he ditched us (I guess our assurances weren't enough) we saw a popular and well known bartender out and about. I commented that we had seen his girlfriend at a birthday party. He also got really defensive. I was incredibly shocked, I assumed that he was about as slick as they come, but apparently not above shrinking back from us of all people?
I've also noticed that when I've been left to my own devices while intoxicated I seem to have little ability to stop myself from going into some sort of pimpin frenzy. This wouldn't be a problem except I lack standards when I black out, and I'm just as happy picking up the hottest girl in the club as I am picking up the waitress at waffle house. Even worse the next day I didn't totally recall which was which and I had to screen all their calls.
Bummer |
|
|
| rockstardom |
[Oct. 4th, 2010|12:29 am] |
|
Been a little too busy with adventures to even sort of keep this thing up. I suppose I should get a legit update going soon. |
|
|
| cardboard fence for a styrofoam utopia |
[Sep. 14th, 2010|02:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
It's strange having people comment on my blog again. The mere idea of readers is still a bit confusing. I talked with Funk about the topic recentlyish and asked him what he thought.
'Funk it seems like I have readers, but it's mostly just my angry ex's and Trisha for some reason'
'It's because they love you'
'That's ridiculous, most of them hate my guts and I'd be surprised if any of them would be willing to talk to me other than to take a shot at me'
'The greeks felt that there were many forms of love Howard'
Sara didn't even mention to me that she was getting married last weekend, and I was the one that introduced her to her husband more or less. It seems more like they're just waiting for me to go down then love, if any of them even pay attention. Who knows though, maybe my stories lately have just been interesting enough for them to look past my questionable writing skills.
I did however find out that a childhood friend read my blog. I wasn't sure what to think. I felt like there were some sort of massive expectations that I'd be some sort of rockstar or corporate leader, instead of struggling to move up. Eh I'll get there. It was weird even thinking of being a kid since there aren't a lot of people that knew me well back then and still know me, and it would seem that I've spent more of my life being a little bit of a loner than I'd like. I can't even think of a time when I had more than a handful of friends, and most of them never really knew me super well. Each time another layer of my history would be covered up and left behind.
I remember hanging out with Charlie and Andy pretty well. They always had the most games to play (although they weren't always allowed to play them) and they had a huge movie collection with a lot of monster movies (that were mostly Andy's doing). They were a little weird but I was a little weird too. I always liked Charlie better from what I remember although I was ok with Andy after their parents were divorced and he stopped being so violent. I could probably fill up way too much writing material with random memories from early childhood and different parts I remember, but I'd say for as miserable a child hood it was living in that crappy town was the last time I really felt like I was totally part of a community. Don't take that the wrong way I'd never go back though. Here's hoping Charlie doesn't think I'm too crazy after reading the war blog part :X
My kitchen exploits are coming along pretty well, I actually found a mortar and pestle that matches the awesome cutting boards Sean gave me and I've been using it to really release the flavors from my herb garden into food. I've also invested in a pepper grinder so I can switch from regular pepper to fresh cracked, and a salt grinder so I can get coarse ground sea salt (although mind you I don't really use a lot of salt). It really hit home today how much time I put in the kitchen when Slosh said 'Holy crap first Shayne got laid yesterday and now you're eating fast food. I hope the world doesn't explode.' Not too long ago fast food was a sort of regular part of my diet. Also wow, 4 years is a long time.
In the finding deals realm it occurred to me that I'd been waiting for way to long on a new zune to come up cheaply, and Cort suggested that maybe the ipods and zunes were around the same price. While I'd be more than happy to use a zune as a high end mp3 player I'm well aware that ipods are much better supported than zunes via apps, and really the main perk of Microsoft's product is that they are usually comparatively cheaper. Well not only had the price dropped on the ipod a lot, I also noticed that the UVA bookstore was packaging the 3rd generation ipod with computers which not surprisingly generated some deals on craigslist that zune couldn't touch. I haggled the guy down to 120 for a new in box ipod touch with some crafty words and lucky timing, and shortly thereafter I was the proud owner of an iphone that doesn't make calls. I proudly went to the app store and purchased the app to turn it into a flute for one dollar more and actually got a trendy ass jogger armband for a dollar off amazon to hook it up. Go me!
Also at I learned that I'm up to three of my friends with kids on the way. That was pretty shocking, and it made me feel a little too bachelorific. I should end this lifestyle when I can. Side note if you try to call me out on sed event I'll start screening comments, so quiet you people that know.
That all said I'm guessing everyone's more interested in the job front. Well that's going to have to wait until tomorrow, I'm a little tired. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
warmfuuzy's journal